i think i want to start journaling even though my handwriting is super shitty

maybe it's time to dig out my awesome journal from way back when

but also, brief follow up post to my previous post about meeting up with re: old friends who no longer fit me, yeah, the meeting played out as expected. i felt super awkward during pauses because i felt like they expected me to say things, but i no longer know what those things are, because i'm not the same person who would say them. two hours was not that long, and two hours was too fucking long. so idk how these two relationships will continue. my dad says, keep whittling at it, not as in, keep working at it, but rather, you should once-in-a-while keep in contact with these people. and in terms of the idea, it's not bad. but in terms of how healthy it would be emotionally for me to do that, it...kinda fucking sucks. 

other twisty trickiness: tbm in the handwritten journal, i guess.